it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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