Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
