i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
