I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
