Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
