Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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