so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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