What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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