If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
