Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
