Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
