rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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