yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
