I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
