He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
