My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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