I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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