I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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