I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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