i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
