just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
