My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
