i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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