so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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