Can Purell be used as lube?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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