didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
