she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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