Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have already put on my inside pants.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You ruined the universe
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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