dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
