i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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