I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
