she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
