barbara walters just said penis...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
