I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
