thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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