a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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