I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
