Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
