I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
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