new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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