i was rollin on her like bob the builder
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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