you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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