WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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