i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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