Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
