Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
