that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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