I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
