I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
