I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
