i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize