i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
