I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
