yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize