i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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