my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
