oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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