Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
