I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
