Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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