Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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