the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
