does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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