I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
