it was like eating out sand paper
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
