Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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