apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The air taste purple.
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