I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
