I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
