i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
