You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
True strength comes from lack of pants
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
