that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize