i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
