Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
