Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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