I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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