# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
