first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
