you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
