You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize