the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
