If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
