Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
They have beer where we have blood.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
