i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
