How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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