Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
