Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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