Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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