Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
