I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
