I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
