She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
