hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
