I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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