I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
