girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
