Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
4 words: hood of his car
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
