Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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