I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
