no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Farmville is her only friend.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
