There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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