So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
