I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
