how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
