i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
