I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Don't tell me you're on acid again
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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