Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize