btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
