if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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