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• (857): View more from Massachusetts

  He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Yo quero taco bell

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  youre going to kill that woman one of these days

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room

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• (305): View more from Florida

  I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off

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• (972): View more from Texas

  Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult

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• (949): View more from California

  He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  I round house kicked her emotions in the face

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.

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• (916): View more from California

  Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.

  (313): View more from Michigan

  That's dedication to the game.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.

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