never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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