My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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