If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
