he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
