The maid of honor just puked.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
