sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
