I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
