There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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