All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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