I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
