Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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