My room smells like vodka and shame
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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