I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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