When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
How's work?
Spinning.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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