I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
