btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize