just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
